What a restraining order does and who can get one
A restraining order (also called a protective order or order of protection) is a court document that tells someone to stop contact, stay away from you, or both. It is not a criminal charge—it is a civil court order. If the person violates it, they can be arrested and charged with contempt of court or a related crime.
You can get a restraining order against a current or former intimate partner, a family member, or someone else who has harmed or threatened you. The specific rules about who qualifies vary by state. Some states limit orders to people you have lived with or dated; others are broader. You do not need to be married to the person, and you do not need to have reported the abuse to police first.
The order itself does not remove anyone from a home, award custody, or change financial arrangements—those are separate court matters. A restraining order is one tool, and it works best when combined with a safety plan and support from local domestic violence services.
Key Takeaways
- You can request a temporary restraining order the same day you go to court, often without the other person present, and it can last 10 to 14 days while you wait for a full hearing.
- Most states let you file for free at the courthouse, and you do not need a lawyer, though having one strengthens your case.
- You will need to describe specific incidents of abuse, threats, or contact that made you fear for your safety, with dates and details if you have them.
- The other person has the right to appear at the full hearing and contest the order, so be prepared to testify about what happened.
- If you are in immediate danger, call 911; a restraining order is not a substitute for emergency help.
The two-step process: temporary order, then full hearing
Most states use a two-step system. First, you file for a temporary restraining order (TRO) at your local courthouse. You go in person, fill out a form (usually called a petition or application), and describe why you need protection. A judge reviews it the same day or within 24 hours. If the judge agrees there is immediate danger, you get a temporary order that same day—often without the other person being there.
That temporary order lasts 10 to 14 days (the length varies by state). During that time, the court schedules a full hearing. At the hearing, both you and the other person can speak, present evidence, and call witnesses. The judge then decides whether to issue a final restraining order, which typically lasts 6 months to several years, depending on your state and the severity of the abuse.
If you do not show up for the full hearing, the temporary order usually expires and no final order is issued. If the other person does not show up, the judge may issue the final order based on your testimony alone. Either way, you must attend.
What you need to bring to the courthouse
Bring a photo ID and proof of your address (a utility bill, lease, or bank statement). You will also need to describe the abuse in writing on the court form. Write down specific incidents: dates, times, what happened, what the person said or did, and how it made you fear for your safety. "He threatened me" is weaker than "On March 15, he said he would kill me if I left, and he punched the wall."
Bring any evidence you have: text messages, emails, photos of injuries or property damage, police reports, medical records, or witness contact information. You do not need all of these—even one or two specific incidents with detail are enough to get a temporary order. If you have a lawyer or advocate helping you, bring their contact information too.
Some courthouses have domestic violence advocates on staff who can help you fill out the form for free. Call your local courthouse or a domestic violence hotline before you go to ask whether an advocate is available.
Filing without a lawyer and finding free legal help
You do not need a lawyer to file for a restraining order. The court form is designed for people representing themselves. However, having a lawyer or trained advocate present at the hearing makes your case stronger, especially if the other person contests the order or has a lawyer.
Free or low-cost legal help is available through your state's bar association, legal aid societies, and domestic violence organizations. Search "legal aid [your state]" or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to find a lawyer or advocate near you. Many organizations will help you prepare your testimony and attend the hearing with you at no cost.
If you cannot afford to pay court filing fees, ask the courthouse clerk about fee waivers. Most states waive fees for people with low income, and you can request a waiver on the same day you file.
What happens at the full hearing
At the hearing, you will sit in front of a judge. The other person will be there too (unless the judge has already ordered them to stay away). You will describe what happened, answer questions from the judge, and may be cross-examined by the other person or their lawyer. Stay calm, speak clearly, and stick to facts you know firsthand. If you do not know something, say so.
The other person gets to tell their side of the story and may deny the abuse or claim you are lying. This is normal and expected. The judge will decide based on the evidence and testimony from both sides. The standard is usually "preponderance of the evidence"—meaning the judge thinks it is more likely than not that the abuse happened. This is a lower bar than criminal court.
If the judge issues a final order, it will say what the other person cannot do: contact you, come near your home or workplace, possess weapons, or other restrictions. The order will also say how long it lasts. You will get a copy, and the court will send a copy to the police department so officers can enforce it.
What to do if the order is violated
If the other person breaks the order—by calling, texting, showing up at your home, or any other violation—call 911 immediately. Tell the dispatcher that there is an active restraining order and describe what just happened. The police will respond and can arrest the person for violating the order.
Keep a record of every violation: write down the date, time, what happened, and any evidence (screenshots of texts, voicemails, witnesses). Bring this record to the police when you report the violation, and keep a copy for yourself. If violations keep happening, you can go back to court and ask the judge to extend the order or add stricter terms.
If you are in immediate danger, do not wait to call police. Leave the situation and go to a safe place. A domestic violence shelter can provide emergency housing and help you plan next steps.
Restraining orders and custody, housing, and safety planning
A restraining order does not automatically give you custody of children or remove the other person from a shared home. Those are separate issues handled in family court or housing court. However, you can file for a restraining order and a custody order at the same time, and judges often consider abuse when making custody decisions.
If you live with the person, a restraining order does not force them to leave. You may need to file for an eviction or seek an order of exclusive occupancy (which tells the other person to move out). Talk to a lawyer or advocate about your housing situation—the solutions depend on whether you own the home, rent it, or both names are on the lease.
A restraining order is one part of staying safe. Work with a domestic violence advocate to create a safety plan: identify safe places to go, keep important documents and money accessible, tell trusted people what is happening, and know the local shelter and hotline numbers. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) can help you plan.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I get a restraining order if we still live together?
Yes. You can file for a restraining order while living in the same home. However, the order will tell the person to stay away from you, which is hard to enforce in a shared space. Ask the judge about an order of exclusive occupancy, which requires the other person to leave. You may also need to file for eviction or seek help from housing court.
What if I do not have proof of the abuse?
You do not need physical evidence. Your own testimony about what happened is evidence. Tell the judge specific incidents with as much detail as you remember: dates, times, words spoken, actions taken, and how you felt. Witnesses, photos, or documents make your case stronger, but they are not required for a temporary order.
Will the other person know I filed?
At the temporary order stage, they may not know immediately. But at the full hearing, they will be notified and have the right to appear and respond. If you are afraid of retaliation after filing, tell the judge or an advocate—some courts can arrange for you to testify by video or from behind a screen.
How long does a restraining order last?
A temporary order lasts 10 to 14 days. A final order typically lasts 6 months to 5 years, depending on your state and the judge's decision. You can ask the court to renew it before it expires if the threat continues.
What if the other person has a lawyer and I do not?
You can still win. Judges understand that people represent themselves in restraining order cases. Speak clearly, stick to facts, and bring any evidence you have. If you want a lawyer, contact your local legal aid society or domestic violence organization—many provide free representation or coaching for these hearings.