Document the bullying and report it to the school in writing
Start by keeping a record of what happened: the date, time, location, what was said or done, and who witnessed it. Write these details down as soon as possible after each incident. This record becomes evidence if you need to escalate the complaint or involve law enforcement later.
Next, report the bullying to your child's school in writing. Email or hand-deliver a letter to the principal or the school's designated bullying contact. Include specific dates and incidents from your record. Do not rely on a phone call or a conversation at pickup — written reports create a paper trail that shows the school received notice and when. Keep a copy for yourself.
Most states require schools to have a bullying policy and a process for reporting. Ask the school office for a copy of their policy and the name of the person responsible for handling bullying complaints. Some schools have a form you fill out; others accept a letter. Either way, send it to the principal and request written confirmation that they received it.
Key Takeaways
- Write down the date, time, location, and details of each bullying incident, and report it to your school in writing rather than by phone.
- Your state's education department has a bullying law that requires schools to investigate and respond within a set timeframe — usually 10 to 30 days.
- If the school does not respond or the bullying continues, you can file a formal complaint with your state's education department.
- Bullying that involves threats, physical harm, or harassment based on race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation may also be a crime or a civil rights violation.
- You have the right to request a meeting with school staff to discuss your child's safety and what steps the school will take.
Know your state's bullying law and the school's legal duty to respond
Every state has a law that requires schools to address bullying. The specifics vary — some states define bullying narrowly, others broadly — but all require schools to have a written policy, a reporting process, and a timeline for investigation. Most states require the school to investigate within 10 to 30 days and notify you of the outcome.
Your state's education department website lists the bullying law and what schools must do. Search "[your state] bullying law" or go to your state's Department of Education website. Read the law yourself. It tells you what the school is legally required to do, what counts as bullying under state law, and what the investigation process should look like. When you report the bullying, reference the specific law in your letter.
Schools are also required to ensure your child's safety. If bullying is ongoing or severe, the school must take steps to stop it — this might mean separating the students, changing schedules, or disciplining the student doing the bullying. You can request a meeting to discuss what safety measures the school will put in place.
Request a formal meeting with the principal and relevant staff
After you report in writing, request a meeting with the principal, your child's teacher, and any counselor or safety officer involved. Do this in writing as well, in the same email or letter where you report the bullying. Ask for a specific date and time within the next week or two.
Bring your written record of incidents to the meeting. Bring your child if the school agrees, or leave them at home — this depends on your child's age and comfort level. You may also bring another adult as a witness or support person. The school cannot prevent you from bringing a witness.
At the meeting, ask the school directly: What will you do to stop the bullying? How will you keep my child safe? Will you separate the students? What discipline will the student doing the bullying face? When will you follow up with me? Request that the school put their plan in writing and send it to you within a few days. This written plan becomes part of the record if you need to escalate later.
File a formal complaint with your state's education department if the school does not respond
If the school does not investigate within the timeframe required by state law, does not respond to your report, or the bullying continues after the school says it has addressed it, you can file a formal complaint with your state's Department of Education. This is a free process and does not require a lawyer.
Contact your state's Department of Education and ask for the complaint process. Most states have a form you fill out and submit by mail, email, or online portal. You will need to include your written reports to the school, dates of incidents, the school's response (or lack of response), and an explanation of why you believe the school violated state bullying law.
The state education department will investigate and determine whether the school followed the law. If the school did not, the department can order the school to take corrective action. This process usually takes 30 to 60 days. You will receive a written decision.
Understand when bullying may also be a crime or a civil rights violation
Some bullying crosses into criminal territory or violates federal civil rights law. If the bullying involves threats of violence, physical assault, or repeated harassment based on your child's race, color, religion, national origin, sex, disability, or sexual orientation, it may be a hate crime or a civil rights violation.
If you believe a crime has been committed, you can report it to local police. Bring your written record and any evidence — messages, photos, witness statements. Police will decide whether to investigate. You do not need the school's permission to report to police, and reporting to police does not replace reporting to the school.
If the bullying is based on your child's disability, it may violate the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) or Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act. If your child has an IEP (Individualized Education Program) or a 504 plan, the school has a legal duty to protect them from bullying related to their disability. You can request a meeting to review the plan and add safety measures.
Document everything and keep copies of all communications
From the moment you report the bullying, keep copies of every email, letter, and form you send to the school. Save the school's responses. If you have a meeting, write down what was said and who said it, and send a follow-up email summarizing the meeting: "As we discussed on [date], the school will [specific action] by [date]." This creates a record of what was promised.
Keep your record of bullying incidents separate and organized. Include the date, time, location, what happened, who was involved, and who witnessed it. If your child has messages, photos, or videos related to the bullying, save those too — do not delete them, even if they are upsetting. These are evidence.
If you hire a lawyer or file a complaint with the state, you will need this documentation. Even if you do not escalate, having a clear record helps you remember details and shows the school you are serious about the issue.
Consider whether your child needs additional support or a change in placement
Bullying can affect your child's mental health, school performance, and sense of safety. Talk to your child's doctor or a school counselor about whether counseling or other support would help. Many schools offer counseling at no cost; ask whether your child can see the school counselor regularly.
If the bullying is severe or ongoing and the school cannot stop it, you may have the right to request a change in placement — moving your child to a different classroom, school, or program. This is especially true if your child has a disability or an IEP. You can request a meeting to discuss this option.
Some families also pursue civil lawsuits against the school if the bullying caused documented harm and the school was negligent in stopping it. This requires a lawyer and is expensive, but it is an option if other remedies have failed. Consult a lawyer who handles education law or personal injury cases in your state.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can the school punish my child for defending themselves against a bully?
Schools have zero-tolerance policies that sometimes punish both the bully and the child who fights back. However, most state bullying laws and school policies recognize self-defense. If your child was defending themselves, report this to the principal in writing and reference your state's self-defense law. Request that any punishment be removed from your child's record.
What if the bullying is happening online or outside of school?
Schools can address cyberbullying and off-campus bullying if it disrupts school or affects your child's safety at school. Report it to the school anyway. If the bullying is a crime — threats, harassment, or impersonation — report it to police and to the social media platform where it occurred. Most platforms have a process for reporting abuse.
Does my child have to go back to school with the bully after the school investigates?
Not necessarily. You can request that the school separate the students — different classrooms, different lunch periods, different schedules. You can also request a transfer to a different school or program. Ask the principal what options are available in your district.
What if the school says they investigated and found nothing?
Ask the school for a written summary of their investigation, including who they interviewed and what they found. If you believe the investigation was incomplete or biased, file a complaint with your state's education department. You can also request a second meeting and bring new evidence or witnesses.
Can I sue the school for not stopping the bullying?
You may have grounds for a civil lawsuit if the school was negligent — meaning they knew about the bullying and did nothing, or their response was so inadequate that it amounted to deliberate indifference. Consult a lawyer who handles education law or personal injury cases in your state. Many offer free initial consultations.